So with this week, we’ll be in that build up to Valentine’s Day – that we all either embrace whole heartedly, endure, or detest for one reason or another.
Valentine’s day is all about the expression of love. Nowadays we seem to have a day for absolutely everything...But Valentine’s day, is one of the those traditional long standing ones.
The question is, is it a celebration for the love for others or ourselves? It poses an interesting reflection for me this week. The traditional backdrop for Valentine’s Day is about indulging the other person in your life. I know that whilst there’ll be readers who are in relationships, there will be those who are single, or who’s relationships are breaking down, recently separated, who are divorced, who are widowed- this blog post is for everyone, because you are in a 'relationship'…the most important relationship you’ll ever be in: the relationship with yourself.
I’d say the most important person to honour and love is yourself – and I don’t mean that in an ego way…I mean in a genuine love thyself, wholesome kind of way…
This is coming from someone who struggled to do that for such a long time in life. In order to do my day ‘non-job’ as I fondly call it – I have had to do lots of transformational learning…to get to the root of lots of the junk I was clinging onto in my own life. I recognised that lots of that junk was around self worth, not believing I was good enough for anything, let alone anyone. And when you keep telling yourself these things and subtly putting yourself down, you can’t possibly be speaking from a space of love to yourself. It may well be the ‘junk’ that you’re clinging onto that prevents you from showing up for yourself.
But I’m going to pose a question and it’s one that probably may hit hard for some, and totally resonate for others:
If you’re so busy berating yourself, even hating yourself, how can you really love someone else, and be totally be ‘in love’ with that person?
And there will be some who will read this and say, "but I know what love is – I feel it with the person I am with..."
Whilst I don’t doubt the integrity of that sentiment…you’re perhaps only experiencing the tip of an iceberg, because you’re not showing up fully, without your hang ups. Your other half will not be seeing you in your entirety – you'll be the person they love with 'issues' and they as much 'need you' because you have them. In that way, you're the ideal match!
I told you this wasn't 'light' reading...
If you don’t believe you’re capable of receiving love from yourself, how can you receive love from another person – you may think you recognise it, but part of you will be withdrawing, and recoiling because real love scares you, because you don't really know it for yourself.
I hope you can hear what I am trying to say, and that you hear that it comes from my own heart space.
We substitute the concepts of self care for self love and the two though intricately linked, are not the same. Those acts of self care, taking the time to do things for ourselves (when things go back to normal), like having our hair cut, nails done, exercising at the gym, mediating... they’re all acts, and gestures towards ourselves, but not the same as self love.
As an aside, taking time out for self care is not selfish, another myth I might as well bust whilst I'm here, but that's a whole different blog post!
Self love is just being able to look yourself in the eye and say in humanness with kindness and compassion:
I, in my entirety just am...
and for that I accept myself, respect myself, love myself...
The bottom line is love yourself, so you can really love others with an openness of heart and spirit.
And with that I love you all in all your crazy, imperfectly perfect humanness!
Why not send yourself a Valentine's card this year? Show yourself as well as others some appreciation! - you can access FREE downloads from my website.